Promises Promises

Tue, June 30 2009

I have a thing against promise rings. But it’s not entirely unfounded. Let’s look at the promise ring, shall we? It is a ring given to someone’s significant other – usually boy to girl but I don’t know if this is something which gays and lesbians do - on the premise of “Hey, I don’t want to marry you now but this ring shows promises that someday I will.”I thought there already was a ring one used to promise to marry one’s significant other: the engagement ring; thus the idea of a pre-engagement ring is redundant and useless.

That aside, the premise doesn’t sound horrible until you really think about it. A promise ring is nothing more than a way to say “I want you to quit nagging me so here’s a ring” or even worse “I want to allay your suspicions with this ring. Maybe you won’t notice I’m fucking around.” In laymen’s terms is means “I’m giving you this to shut you up until something better comes along” – most of the time.

Now, it’s no secret that I think people need to be honest with themselves and their loved ones about their intentions. If you just want to have fun, that’s fine but don’t make it seem like you’re in it for the monogamy. On the other hand, if your heart is set in marrying, don’t pretend it’s okay to date casually or that you can change him. You can’t. Give it up and find someone who want the same things as you. Stop wasting your time. On a semi-related note, he’s not going to leave his wife or girlfriend for you and you’re not going to live happily ever after with someone you’re having an affair with.

And so the promise ring which is entirely based on wasting someone’s time is highly offensive to me and it should be to any person who values themselves. Realize it for what it is. It’s not a promise to marry you. Then it would be an engagement ring. It’s a way to buy you over and blind you. Or you can open your eyes and realize that this person isn’t ready for commitment or maybe even isn’t made for commitment; I mean, I can’t argue that the monogamous marriage is a societal construct and not in our natures but the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can find someone who is. Or, just for the hell if it, be comfortable being single. Gasp!

A little disclaimed. While most of the time promise rings are juvenile and ridiculous, there are a few souls who do just take longer to come around. They are the exception and, quite frankly, I can’t really think of any guy who would be exceptional enough that I would be okay with waiting anyway.

If you are ever faced with such an insult from the person who supposedly cares about you, run for the hills. Damaging their property as you do is optional, but recommended.