Reviews by Cole » rants

Saving Face

Cole — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 18:14:55 +0000

Yesterday I was in Walgreens, smelling all the pretty things and just wasting some time. In the cosmetics section, they always have promo photos of the models and other famous people who are the current face of a brand. As I was looking at one picture, I though “Hmm, Katy Perry sure is more photoshopped than ever.” Then I saw the person’s name and realized it wasn’t Katy but Zooey Deschanel, instead. Now, I do think these two ladies look alike, but the reason I made the mistake was because of the combination of the makeup and digital editing gave the photo a too-smooth and fake look that Zooey rarely has. In fact, even after knowing it was her, I kept looking at the picture, shocked that it was her.

I imagine that I am like most women when shopping for cosmetics. I want something that will smooth, balance, highlight and perfect but without stripping me of my natural identity. I’m not a drag queen nor am I some crazy cosplayer. I just want a little help, not a mask. To me, this sort of advertising gimmick does more harm than help for these brands. The women they use as the faces of their brands become even more removed from me and this type of promotional material doesn’t realistically help me decide of a certain cosmetic is right for me.

And isn’t the point of using a well-known model or actress as your spokesperson so that people can recognize them? How can you possibly be helping to sell more product if the consumers have no idea who they’re looking at? I have this thought every once in a while, when I spot advertising that makes this mistake. I don’t know how these ads, but I’m not the first to say “WTF?!” to Rimmel’s ads with Zooey. The one I saw is below, what do you think?

What’s so real about reality TV?

Cole — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 01:11:00 +0000

I’ll tell you what. Nothing! Okay, some things are real but I am not at all interested in reality shows which follow folks just because they are rich, incredibly stupid or otherwise out of touch with reality. This is part of the reason I hate Paris Hilton. Why is she famous again? I guess just because her family is rich, eh? Her granddaddy has some business savvy and now she plagues the world. There is no excuse for “famous by association” in my book. Either you do something that’s notable (or infamous) or I don’t want to see you on my TV talking about colon cleansing or screwing up your childrens’ lives or being a dick to your spouse/parents/assistant/random strangers, just because you think you’re hot shit. You’re not. And if you think you are and you have a ghetto East coast accent (anything from New York to Jersey? Ghetto), you’re certifiable. Maybe the money from reality TV will pay for institutionalization. It’d be great if I never heard from you again. Kthnxdie.

Promises Promises

Cole — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:50:00 +0000

I have a thing against promise rings. But it’s not entirely unfounded. Let’s look at the promise ring, shall we? It is a ring given to someone’s significant other – usually boy to girl but I don’t know if this is something which gays and lesbians do - on the premise of “Hey, I don’t want to marry you now but this ring shows promises that someday I will.”I thought there already was a ring one used to promise to marry one’s significant other: the engagement ring; thus the idea of a pre-engagement ring is redundant and useless.

That aside, the premise doesn’t sound horrible until you really think about it. A promise ring is nothing more than a way to say “I want you to quit nagging me so here’s a ring” or even worse “I want to allay your suspicions with this ring. Maybe you won’t notice I’m fucking around.” In laymen’s terms is means “I’m giving you this to shut you up until something better comes along” – most of the time.

Now, it’s no secret that I think people need to be honest with themselves and their loved ones about their intentions. If you just want to have fun, that’s fine but don’t make it seem like you’re in it for the monogamy. On the other hand, if your heart is set in marrying, don’t pretend it’s okay to date casually or that you can change him. You can’t. Give it up and find someone who want the same things as you. Stop wasting your time. On a semi-related note, he’s not going to leave his wife or girlfriend for you and you’re not going to live happily ever after with someone you’re having an affair with.

And so the promise ring which is entirely based on wasting someone’s time is highly offensive to me and it should be to any person who values themselves. Realize it for what it is. It’s not a promise to marry you. Then it would be an engagement ring. It’s a way to buy you over and blind you. Or you can open your eyes and realize that this person isn’t ready for commitment or maybe even isn’t made for commitment; I mean, I can’t argue that the monogamous marriage is a societal construct and not in our natures but the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can find someone who is. Or, just for the hell if it, be comfortable being single. Gasp!

A little disclaimed. While most of the time promise rings are juvenile and ridiculous, there are a few souls who do just take longer to come around. They are the exception and, quite frankly, I can’t really think of any guy who would be exceptional enough that I would be okay with waiting anyway.

If you are ever faced with such an insult from the person who supposedly cares about you, run for the hills. Damaging their property as you do is optional, but recommended.