In the 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains a trend he has observed in his 30 years of professional marriage counseling: people speak different love languages. Chapman explains how different people require love to be expressed in a certain way in order to recognize and bask in it. This concept is something which easily illustrates a little problem that is easily illustrated by this common complaint:

I show my partner I love him or her all the time by doing X, Y or Z but it’s never enough.

The 5 Love Languages easily paints how different people have different needs. It is because of this that our efforts sometimes seem to go unnoticed, not because we don’t love our partners enough but because we do not realize that they need to be shown in a certain way and/or we do not know how to show them in the way they need.

These needs frequently appear after what the author refers to as the “in love” period, where inflated feelings of euphoria which has perhaps lessened the necessity for our partner to speak our primary love language, has faded. Reality sets in but it is here, Chapman argues, that we have the opportunity to learn and speak our partner’s love language to develop mature love and promote long term happiness.

As you may have guessed, Chapman outlines 5 languages in his popular book: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch. Each language has its own chapter which further explains what it means. Some of the surface thoughts people might have about each language of love are not entirely correct. For instance, Chapman writes about how men tend to view their love language as physical touch because they like sex but this is not always the case.

These chapters introduce the reader to the concept of the languages and patiently but firmly explains that everyone needs something different and if you are not providing your partner with what he or she needs, you are not doing your best to make your relationship a happy and healthy one. Chapman relates how he explained to one client that speaking is his wife’s love language showed that he loved her. To this the client replied he would have no problem participating in household chores to show his love. This simple but firm guide is one which is necessary when people sometimes focus on what they shouldn’t have to do. Life and relationships do not work that way.

Chapman writes about his observations with stories from his practice. He explains how he has given advice to couples which has vastly improved one experience but not both, because he was not aware of each person’s love language. He also talks of a young couple who shared the same love language (acts of service) but each spoke different dialects. It is because of the dialects, he explains, that love languages can play out in a limitless range of possibility.

As you read, you will likely pick up on which love languages apply to yourself and people you know (in fact, each chapter ends with one or more through provoking statements or questions). If you are having a bit of trouble with this aspect, The 5 Love Languages includes a chapter each on determining your spouse’s as well as your own love language. Chapman guides us in this discovery by hinting that our love language is usually the thing we ask (nag) for most, tends to be the thing which hurts us most when misused and is usually the way we show love. If you still struggle, the book contains quizzes for both husbands and wives to determine their love languages. These assessments also available online.

In the final chapters, Chapman explains how “love is a choice” which “makes the difference.” These chapters explain how we have a choice to employ relationship-healthy techniques such as learning our partner’s love language, no matter how difficult it may be at first, or choosing to let past mistakes cloud the future. Learning about love languages can mean the difference between success or failure in your relationship. Learning your partner’s love language can help promote positive changes even if he or she is not necessarily open to making changes or feel that the problem is yours alone.

The 5 Love Languages contains many solid, realistic tips about making the most out of a relationships, too. Even if you don’t necessarily buy into the concept of love languages, Chapman points out that relationship goals cannot be vague (something which many couples fail to realize). It is written in an extremely easy to understand and and read format which I found interesting throughout.

If I have any complaints about the 5 Love Languages, it is that the perspective is rather hetero-normative. Gary Chapman’s marriage counseling experience and religious views (which are expressed in the book but I did not find to be overbearing) easily explains this but I would not want anyone to get stuck on the use of the words “husband” or “wife” because I do believe the concept of love languages spans sexual orientation and this book could be helpful for many.

Couples Retreat takes a look at four suburban couples at different stages of happiness and family (by that, I mean children) who head off to Eden resort for a couples retreat at the insistence of one couple (as played by Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell) whose marriage has become miserable from attempting to have a child. Expecting fun in the sun, the group is not-so-pleasantly surprised at mandatory workshops in the itinerary but decide to stick it out anyway.

While I wouldn’t consider any of the cast A list or any of the acting extraordinary, Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman, Faizon Love and Kali Hawk and Jon Favreau and Kristen Davis all prove to be entertaining as couples at one point or another. Vaughn and Akerman are perhaps the happiest couple of all despite never having enough time for one another while Favreau and Davis has found themselves completed disconnected after what feels like a lifetime together. Love and Hawk serve mostly humorous purposes as a man split from his wife trying to feel good about himself with a 20 year old young woman who calls him “Daddy.”

None of the characters are entirely too deep but I am glad to say that Vince Vaughn is continuing to develop his talents as an actor by taking on a more grown up role than usual. There are still typical Vaughn quips as one would expect from a script he helped to write. Of course, this makes it appeal to a broader audience than if it were a chick flick alone. I’m still perplexed why anyone would ever cast him as a leading role but am beginning to feel a fondness for him as an actor. On the other hand, Kristen Davis plays her role much too closely to that of Charlotte in Sex and the City and still hasn’t managed to master the art of facial expressions.

Of course, the unexpected demands of their retreat cause tensions to run dramatically and comedically high. The comedy is varied, sometimes just a line (Let the party begin!) and sometimes an entire scene (Guitar Hero play off anyone?). In the end, everything ties up nicely in a bow, if not a little suddenly. The comedy is enough that you can leave the theater feeling lighthearted and entertained and the movie never feels preachy despite that fact that it is most definitely promoting the sanctity of marriage. I can get down with that. This makes it a good movie to see with your sensitive, comedy loving boyfriend/husband and don’t be surprised if you get a few extra kisses or hand squeezes during the movie (although he may not realize why he’s doing it). This angle might make it more appropriate for audiences older than those who typically view Vaughn’s movies.

It was refreshing to see a movie which takes a slightly higher moral road than most while still proving to be entertaining. It’s not a blockbuster by any means but Couples Retreat manages to retain a greater level of “replayability” than most movies I’ve seen lately.

Their jewelry buying guides break it down to steer a confused shopper in the right direction. You can shop by relationship status (dating, married, or engaged) or type of jewelry; Bella True discusses the big 4 which they consider to be rings, earrings, necklaces and bracelets. There are sections for engagement and wedding rings each and different occasions. Anniversaries has its own page with gemstone listings by year and you can find help for special days like birthdays and births, too. There’s even help if you need to say you’re sorry. Each of thee pages links to specific jewelry items that Bella True thinks it appropriate for these events and relationships (although, currently, all those links appear to be broken).

Lastly, a page lists tones by colour, which can be helpful. There are some suggestions for which colours to go with depending on her personality but they’re rather general and horroscope-like. I may like pink but I’m not really gentle. These suggestions may turn out to be too broad which is why I’d suggest heeding advice on the page “Color her world” which cautions:

But because color is so personal, you need to be careful. She may find any gemstone beautiful, or have a strong preference for only one or two. She might love a riot of different colors, or find it tacky. She may respond to bold colors, or prefer softer pastel tones. How can you know?

Ask her. You’d be surprised how few guys think of this. (Bonus points: Tell her you need to know, but refuse to tell her why.)

Be careful that just because they are appropriate does not mean your wife or girlfriend (or mother or sister) will like them. More often than not, I found the suggestions were not my style in the least. Take these suggestion with a grain of salt. The easiest way to pick out a jewelry item for a woman is to pay attention or ask her directly. The tips hint to fall back to eye colour or birthstone, both of which are green for me; yet, I am not particularly fond of emeralds. You can even aid her friends or family in the hunt. Actually, I recommend asking help from others, especially when it comes to important things like wedding and engagement rings. I picked mine out and would have it no other way. Like I said, sometimes the thought doesn’t count.

Whether you’re looking for an engagement ring or a “just thinking of you” necklace, these tips for guys can be helpful. Remember to refer to the recipient’s personal preferences over these guides; however. I don’t care what a jewelry store says; if I don’t like it, then I don’t like it.s

That aside, the premise doesn’t sound horrible until you really think about it. A promise ring is nothing more than a way to say “I want you to quit nagging me so here’s a ring” or even worse “I want to allay your suspicions with this ring. Maybe you won’t notice I’m fucking around.” In laymen’s terms is means “I’m giving you this to shut you up until something better comes along” – most of the time.

Now, it’s no secret that I think people need to be honest with themselves and their loved ones about their intentions. If you just want to have fun, that’s fine but don’t make it seem like you’re in it for the monogamy. On the other hand, if your heart is set in marrying, don’t pretend it’s okay to date casually or that you can change him. You can’t. Give it up and find someone who want the same things as you. Stop wasting your time. On a semi-related note, he’s not going to leave his wife or girlfriend for you and you’re not going to live happily ever after with someone you’re having an affair with.

And so the promise ring which is entirely based on wasting someone’s time is highly offensive to me and it should be to any person who values themselves. Realize it for what it is. It’s not a promise to marry you. Then it would be an engagement ring. It’s a way to buy you over and blind you. Or you can open your eyes and realize that this person isn’t ready for commitment or maybe even isn’t made for commitment; I mean, I can’t argue that the monogamous marriage is a societal construct and not in our natures but the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can find someone who is. Or, just for the hell if it, be comfortable being single. Gasp!

A little disclaimed. While most of the time promise rings are juvenile and ridiculous, there are a few souls who do just take longer to come around. They are the exception and, quite frankly, I can’t really think of any guy who would be exceptional enough that I would be okay with waiting anyway.

If you are ever faced with such an insult from the person who supposedly cares about you, run for the hills. Damaging their property as you do is optional, but recommended.